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Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn’t reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him ” Arre Puttar, ki hoya?” (What Happened, My Son?) The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, “Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?” (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)

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There were these three classic guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them “Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in.”

 

So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out “Bananas!” and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out “Money!” and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells “Oh Shit!”

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* India wins Cricket match; 120 people die of shock

* Bihar sold to ; Resulted In an unrelated incident Literacy soars up to 86% in India

* Self-immolation best bet to reduce population: Dept. of Family Planning.

* Population Statistics: 42% – Literate, 58% – Politicians

* MF Hussian paints Mulayam Singh Yadav nude

* Flood in Bihar; 2 die of thirst

* India wins Gold in India versus Rest Of India Games

* Poverty to be eradicated in India using Virtual Reality Software

* Laloo to be made National Animal

* Freedom Fighters to be lathi-charged to commomerate 50 years of Independence.

* Ramar Pillai produces Pottasium Permanganate from Rice, Water, a stick and some Pottasium Permanganate

* No bombings in Kashmir today

* Suit filed holding Rao responsible for Battle of Panipat, 1526

* Ray of hope for India as Ravi Shastri retires

* Doctorate conferred on Jayalalitha for completing 2 months in Jail

* Death penalty upheld for Attempted Suicide victim

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Poor Banta

Banta singh appeared at the box office of a cinema and bought two tickets.A few minutes later he returned and bought two more. When, after a short interval, he appeared a third time and offered to pay for two more,the ticket-seller opened the little door in the glass and spoke up.’Aren’t you the same gentleman who just bought two tickets and two others just a while ago?’ she asked, puzzled. ‘Yes,’replied Banta Singh plaintively,’but there’s some fool at the gate who keeps tearing them up!’

 

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An American tourist in Punjab walked into a beautiful deserted forest and found a lovely pool in it, and decided to go skinny-dipping.She looked around, didn’t see anyone, and undressed and just as she was about to dive in, Sunta the gardner appeared from behind the bushes where he was hiding all along and said, ‘Madam! Swimming not allowed!”You could have told me that before I took off my clothes!’, the American woman scolded him. Sunta Singh replied, ‘Madam, only swimming not allowed, taking off clothes allowed!

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Smart Santa

Santa and Banta were bitter enemies. Santa lived on the 1st and Banta on the 7th floor of the same building. One day the lift was out of order and Banta decided to play a trick on Santa and called him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm. So Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the 7th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message – ‘HA HA ULLU BANA DIA!’ Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes his reply below Banta’s message – ‘MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!’

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